Not Afraid ch 1 Malec Fic

CHAPTER 1

Alec Pov

I looked at the paper in front of me…blank...all pearly white…the whiteness of the sheet mocking me…I glared at it with such force that I wouldn't be surprised if it spontaneously combusted into ashes…yeah maybe that way it would be better than the rest of the wrinkled ones laying in my trashcan and floor. I was a fucking songwriter and couldn't even write a fucking word! Talk about writers block! I sighed tossing my pen aside giving up…I had a deadline but sitting in there hating the sheets wouldn't take me anywhere.

I closed my eyes and began thinking of my life…normally it was enough to get me in the mood…I was twenty three years old, I lived in a nice apartment near downtown and I had pretty decent job…I was Nephilim's songwriter, the best rock band at the moment…my stepbrother's band…His name was Jace, pure gold…literally…he had golden hair, golden skin, a million dollar smile and body…yeah I know what people thought of him because I had felt the same way…I was the gay that used to be in love with his best friend…cliché much? Yeah well I didn't like it either but I couldn't help it…I frowned when a song got inside my senses.

Oooh, do you know what you got into?

Can you handle what I'm about to do?

'Cause it's about to get rough for you

I'm here for your entertainment.

I looked at my phone like it was an alien…what was that thing doing inside it? My answer came as soon as I read the caller id…Izzy…my dear baby sis that loved messing with my stuff.

"I'm deleting this thing from my phone" I said when I answered her call.

"Aw come on Alec! It's for your entertainment by Magnus freaking Bane! The best there is!" she yelled in that distraught voice she always used when I said something she liked was stupid "And speaking of Magnus, he invited the band for his birthday party, I was wondering if…"

"Sure why not" I shrugged thinking that getting drunk wouldn't be so awful…anything to get my mind of things and get into a more writing mood…I didn't even care if Magnus was there, I knew pretty well how to be invisible.

"But Alec! Plea…wait, did you just agree without me begging you?"

"Yeah…" I said completely bored with my life.

"Jeez a little more excitement wouldn't hurt you" I smiled almost seeing her pout in my mind.

"Hey, I'm only doing this because honestly I have nothing better to do, if you don't want me to change my mind tell me a when and where"

"Suroungy Soungy…the new club a couple of blocks from your place in an hour…care to walk there? We're picking up the rest of the band, and I don't know if we'll have enough space" really? Man, my sister knew how to pamper me.

"Glad I won't be a burden…but I'm in the mood to get drunk so I'll see'ya there" and I hung up…she would be pissed but I was also pissed…no more point in talking. I stood up stretching my sore limbs, after spending hours and hours trying to come up with the new song for the special edition album I was there with nothing…maybe Kyle or Simon should write it…ha! I shook my head smiling at my own stupid joke, those two were masters at the drums and bass –respectively- but when it came to lyrics and band names they were both airheads…thank Jace for that, thinking that he was some sort of half angel deity he had used his brain for once and come up with the name Nephilim…and had the nice gesture of asking me to write their songs once he stole my songbook…and thinking that I was once in love with the dude…bad idea. Anyways, thanks to a lot of moping around and a certain someone my crush for my brother died and I could be annoyed at him again. I hummed a melody I had just come up with as I made my way to my closet…I didn't want Isabelle to nag me abut my clothes so I decided to use a black bottom up shirt and some nice jeans…I knew that it was a fancy club so I had to change my ever present vans for my black shoes. I walked to the bathroom and took a fast shower, I was a practical person, showers were for cleaning proposes only, I didn't understand how people could be there for an entire hour until they fingers resembled the ones of an old man…oh well I liked to give my little share to the planet. I turned off the stream, walked out wrapping a towel on my waist and stood up in front of the mirror thinking…I knew that the moment I walked in the club Izzy would pressure me to get a date…she was overly interested in my nonexistent love life…why? Well because in the last six years I had successfully closed up to every person that pursued something more than a friendship with me…why? Well Isabelle didn't know this but it was all thanks to the great Magnus Bane…the man that had stolen every bit of my hope about finding love and made pretty confetti with my heart…and now I was going to his birthday party…I wouldn't admit it out loud but I wouldn't mind seeing him live for a change…what a masochist, right?

Grimacing I walked to my room and started dressing thinking that I would let my hair dry on itself and wondering where the hell did I left my glasses…yeah no nerd was complete without his black specks…and of course I considered myself a nerd, nothing wrong about it. I sighed knowing that I had just the time needed to walk to the club…no glasses for Alec tonight, I just hoped I remembered right the holes in the sidewalk so I wouldn't be kissing the floor…the only thing I needed in this day. I took my jacket and went out.

"Going out Alec?" asked Ms. Shepherd from the apartment next door while she opened her door.

"It's Friday night" I smiled like it was the most common thing to say.

"That never mattered before" she raised her eyebrow…and thanks for reminding me of my also nonexistent social life…the world was plotting against me I tell'ya.

"Well maybe I'm in the mood" I kept my smile resisting the urge to tell her to fuzz off…damn having writers block did put me off balance.

"Ok…just be careful, the world is not nice with sweet kids like you" oh that hit a nerve…I could guess that helping her with her groceries and stuff was sweet, but I was a grown man…that his own parents had thrown out when they knew he was gay, that his first love had crushed his heart…I knew how the world was and I was not having an old lady looking at me like a twelve year old only because I liked videogames, books and movies more than a night with the dudes.

"I'll do just that" I grinned before turning and walking out of the building…damn I was pissed, first Izzy…then myself remembering my life and now an old lady…drunkenness here I come!

As I made my way into the streets of Manhattan I couldn't take my mind of Magnus…it still pained me to think of what he did to me or about him at all, but…being the biggest Popstar in the planet it was hard not to…not to notice him, not to feel the pain inside every time he made an appearance with his new toy…every time I saw him shine…not that he wasn't shiny before, in fact he lived covered in glitter…back to the point, the first years I had felt a certain nostalgia, thinking that even if we hadn't made it he was following his dream…I managed to feel happy for him, that until his songs turned into commercial soulless shit…then I started to hate him, because he hadn't done that to me just because of his dream…but because of fame, the bitch could take even the stronger of us...not that Magnus hated the attention…in fact the complete opposite, he had always been flamboyant and exuberant, proud of who or what he was…he had showed me that being gay wasn't a sin or something to be ashamed of…well that until I decided to man up and tell my parents the truth only to get disowned and became he-who-we-must-not-speak-of…at least I had something in common with Voldemort and I still had my brother and sister, who didn't care at all about my sexual orientation.

I scowled seeing the packed entrance of the club, there was no way I could get in without an invitation so I had to wait for the gang…I just hoped none of them came alone, I wanted the solitude of a single guy in the bar…yeah I wanted to give into yet another cliché…that was always fun. Knowing that I was there ten minutes early and I still had to wait another fifteen for them to show up I took out my iPod and started hearing some music trying to clear my head for a change. When I finally saw the big black Hummer limo I had to roll my eyes, yes my brother liked to show how successful he was so the ladies were running for him like hungry hyenas…I was not that type of guy. Sighing I moved to greet them.

"Hey man!" said Jace giving me a man hug "Been seeing any pussies lately?"

"Hi and I'm not in the mood" I must've sound really angry because he frowned before shrugging like he didn't care when we both knew he did and that would probably ask me about it later "Hey Izzy…so sad that you didn't have enough space"

"Jace showed up in it! I didn't know!" she whined giving me a tight hug "Oh well at least you look nice. Come on!" she took my hand as I waved at the rest of the guys, Kyle had brought Maia and Simon was with Izzy, while Jace was dragging a little redhead I used to hate, at first she was Simon's best friend but now she was the girl Jace wanted but much for my own personal amusement…denied his every attempt to date.

"Hey Clary! It's weird to see you here" I said and she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't have much of a choice…besides I love Magnus Bane, I couldn't miss this" my own cringe almost made me miss Jace's reaction…a huge grimace and words like showoff and prick leaving his lips making me smile, it there was someone that hated Magnus almost as much as me was Jace…not that any of them knew that I hated him for personal reasons, or that I had already met him…I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone, it was too hurtful and embarrassing. Isabelle showed the invitation to the guard and we could all get in. Music was so loud that I knew we wouldn't be able to hear each other if we weren't talking to our ears, there were lights and lasers engraving the mass of bodies dancing around…I felt Isabelle's hand loosen up and I untangled myself from her, I was not in the mood to be left alone in a table when all of them went dancing, so I sneaked to the bar and sat in one corner…it was nicely not-so-loud in here.

"One beer, one tequila shot please" I said to the bartender, he nodded giving me a nice cold beer bottle and a small glass filled with the Mexican heavenly liquor. I emptied the glass in one drink sounding my throat before taking a sip of the lemon the bartender was so nice to give me…I was not a drinker, normally I didn't like to drink, but I knew the nice feeling of being drunk or at least a little lightheaded and that was exactly what I needed right now. I moved a little to look inside the club, I couldn't see Magnus anywhere, he was probably in a room in the back fucking someone or planning his grand entrance…I really wished I had someone to bet on that. I took a drink of my beer but frowned when I saw that it was already empty…okay we were on the right track tonight.

"Another one" I requested thinking that the place was too damn suffocated so being practical I started taking away my shirt just staying with my black tank top…much better.

Magnus PoV

I looked around the club…it was what I expected from my birthday party, full house, everybody dancing, drinking and having fun…then why was I so annoyed with all of this? Why did I want to call it a night and go lay in my bed? I was seriously starting to worry myself.

"Come on! Maybe if you go around you'll find something to get you up!" said Camille at my ear over the high music…I shrugged before starting to walk among the people, some of them offered me good wishes and hugs…I smiled at them, fake smiles every time getting in my face way easier. I ended up in the farthest part of the club, right next to the bar where the music wasn't as loud and people could talk somehow normally…deciding that I needed a drink I looked for a spot in the bar finding only one next to a hot all in black gorgeous guy…oh yes, this party was getting better.

"Hey there sexy" I greeted him seeing his muscled arms even in the fait light of the club. He took a drink of his beer before answering me.

"Hey" he said not that happy of being in my presence…that was new…also that he kept quiet, his eyes were hidden under his black locks keeping me from knowing anything about his emotions.

"Are you alone?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Apparently now I'm with you" there was a sharpness in his tone that made me frown.

"You should be a little more cheery if you're talking to the host of the party that's providing your drinks" I eyed the three little glasses next to his beer.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you want me to act like a fangirl?"
"Fanboy would be much better…but I guess this is nice…if you weren't drunk, would you be screaming like one?"

"Oh I would be screaming all right" he smiled for himself…damn if only I knew if he was… "Yes I'm gay and no, I'm not interested" I knew my jaw hit the ground at this statement.

"You are really straightforward" I shook my head surprised about the way he read me "That for some people can be rude"

"I'm drunk enough to don't give a fuck about pleasing anybody" I looked down…if only I had my old self back I would be like that…now not even drunk I could stand for myself "You're not happy" he said making me blink slowly "Why isn't the great Magnus Bane happy? Did someone steal your glitter?"

"Believe me if someone did that he would be torn to pieces in a second…do you like my music?" he gave a snort that was probably mixed with a laugh.

"No" again with the sharp straightforwardness.

"Ouch…my pretty heart is broken" maybe not so dramatic but it did hurt…he must've seen my not so happy expression and a blush started creeping through his cheeks.

"I used to" he whispered then turned away, like he was embarrassed that he had ever liked it…yeah I knew my new music was no better than shit…but it was nice to hear that I had talent in a moment of my life.

"What's your name?" at this he definitely started laughing darkly, like me asking him was a bad joke.

"Let's just stay with drunk guy at the bar"

"That's not fair" I moved closer and I saw the sapphire shine of his eyes…only one glimpse because he closed them taking in his last tequila shot but it was enough to know they were breathtaking "I rather call you blue eyes" at this his body visibly tensed.

"Do you call every person with blue eyes like that?"

"Not really" I rested my head on my hand "Give me a cosmo" the bartender complied and I started drinking slowly "So…I can guess you're a plus one"

"What gave you that idea?" he rolled his eyes.

"I remember everyone in my list, my memory could kick some elephant's ass anytime"

"I bet to differ…you didn't answer my question" he spoke distractively.

"What question?" I played dumb.

"I thought you had an amazing memory" he laughed, a sincere one this time.

"Touche" I smiled…and also a real one for once "How about we go somewhere else and I tell you?" he gave me a deep look and I could see the little fight behind his blue orbs.

"I can't believe I'm doing this" he murmured before standing up, I raised my eyebrow seeing that I was only about an inch taller than him…that was new…and way hotter "Sure" I asked him to follow me with my hand, he walked behind me and I could feel his eyes burning in my body…if he wasn't interested why that look? I guided him through the back door that led to a small parking lot where my car awaited us.

"My place?" he nodded abstinently. We hoped in and I started the engine turning on the stereo smiling at the Adele melody that filled the car as I made my way home.

"Running away from your own party…that's not right" he said looking through the window.

"Who said that I was all right?" and why the hell did I said that? He chuckled lightly before nodding.

"And you don't have your boy toy for the night to help you through boredom?" he turned to look at me, completely scanning my body…I knew I looked good and he wasn't the first one that had looked at me like that but for some reason his stare made my skin burn and my pants to tighten like no one had done in a long time.

"He said he wasn't interested" I joked getting a smile in return "Maybe I'm in the mood for talking…aren't you suppose to be with someone? You're too sexy to be alone"

"I wanted to get drunk…I am drunk now, so mission accomplished" he shrugged.

"You don't look or sound drunk to me" honestly he was just a chatty guy.

"I'm an awkward guy when I'm sober" his smile turned smug "I guess alcohol gives me confidence" we reached the nice building where I had my flat, the minute he saw it his eyes changed from a cloudy baby blue to a severe navy.

"Still want to come in?" he nodded stepping out. I showed him the way to my place, once we were inside he took my hand and pulled me to face him before he cupped my face and started kissing me…I was too stunned and turned on to not kiss him back. His lips were fierce taking me like he craved for me, I answered with that same eagerness, our bodies practically glued to each other, his hands found their way to my waist as mine got tangled in his black strands. He tasted strongly like alcohol, but at the same time there was a fain taste of something known…something that my body graciously recognized even if my mind refused to do it. My hand moved to his neck finding a chain, I let my fingers caress it until they came in contact with a unique shape...a shape that I recognized even in the high of the kiss. Surprised I ended our lip fight and moved my hand to turn on the light really observing the man in front of me…his porcelain skin, his messy black hair, the dark clothes, faint blush and amazing sapphire eyes.

"Alexander" I said and like the spell was broken he widened his eyes and took a step back…he was Alec...he…he practically ran out of the apartment like I was some sort of poison to him…I was frozen in the spot not making any attempt of following him because yes, maybe I was poison to him but…but not even after six years I could hold back the crazy beating of my heart at the thought of him…I had kissed him again…I knew how he looked now…and for the first time in a long time I knew that there was a way I could find him again and finally make things right "I wont let you go again"