Secrets of the Past DA 10

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

"Demons" by Imagine Dragons

CHAPTER 10

Alec PoV

I took a shaky breath, I was an idiot. I had had all the intentions of finally speaking to Magnus but in the end it had been too much, too much to even try it, so I had had the brilliant idea of running up to my bathroom and corner myself…a truly genius move.

I grasped the sink and looked myself in the mirror, my body was filled with bruises, I looked thin and ragged. I looked sad and old, I felt sad and old…too broken to mend, too fucked up to care. I was marked, Ivan had left his signature in my body, my soul. And now the man I loved the most had seen it.

I disguised myself.

How could Magnus find it in him to even look at me? I did not know. I couldn't even imagine what was for him to see me, to see this ghost of the person that I got to be when I was with him. I let my hands roam my chest, right over every wound and pained spot; it should be painful, but I didn't feel a thing, I was numb to everything, I was so tainted that I couldn't even hope to be what I used to be back then.

A first kiss…I had never really had one. Ivan had simply raped my mouth when he liked, never kissing me after, never even thinking that I could want that kind of thing from the man that had supposedly loved me. But Magnus was different, he had taken his time, he had been cautions and sweet with me...he had been what no one had even bothered to be in my whole life.

I felt my heart race as I saw his eyes darken while they looked at my lips…I knew what he wanted and I wanted him to take it. I couldn't give it to him because I was selfish, I wanted for someone to want a kiss from me because no one had ever done that, no one had taken the time to make me want them this much, to have my skin crawl with need and my body shiver with eagerness just because they wanted it as much as I did.

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me.

My mind chanted one and a thousand times. I felt his breath ghost over my lips as my breath hitched.

Please…

"Alec…I…" I heard his voice from the other side of my bathroom door. I fisted my hands refusing to speak, to give him more hints of what was really going on, I should´ve known that he knew me all too well to figure things out fast enough, to count all the facts and come to the right conclusion.

I had always been a lousy liar when it came to my husband.

His hands cupped my face. I couldn't think anymore, all I could hear was my beating heart, my brain was buzzing; everything was too much. His velvety mouth touch mine and I was lost.

I was lost for him, into him and because of him.

I couldn't care less about how fucked up I was because this man, this amazing and incredible man, cared for me, he said he loved me and I couldn't find it in me to think of his words as lies. My heart couldn't bear the thought of him not wanting me as I wanted him, I couldn't imagine what I could feel if this was not truth…thanks to him I was eager to hope, to want and need something else, something better.

Something colorful.

Whore.

The first day that I had been back, Ivan had decided to remind me what I was and never let me forget it. I didn't even remember when he had done it… I had been too drugged to even feel the needles in my back.

I took a chocked breath trying to stop a sob that fought its way out of my lips. I had been sure that I wouldn't be back, that I would die before I got to see the people I love again, I had never even though about what would happen once I saw them.

I had no idea how many months had passed since I had gone back to Ivan, but somehow I had felt the need to just go out, to feel a little sun in my skin and see people again. I was now walking towards a small coffee shop that I had seen once; it was too far away from home so it should be safe to be there without seeing any of my siblings or Magnus.

How wrong I was.

I felt my whole body freeze when I laid my eyes on him. He was sitting with a lost look on his face; he looked sad but peaceful, like he had finally made peace with me abandoning him…until his eyes moved to see me. I fisted my hands burying my nails on my skin trying to stop myself from running towards him.

It was too much.

Using all of my will force I took one step back, then another, by the time I let myself think again, I was sprinting back to Ivan´s house reminding myself why I was doing this, it was all for them, it didn't matter how much it hurt for me.

"Since when…?" Magnus´ voice asked quietly. "Was any of this real or just more lies?"

I was on the floor, my body shaking and barely awake. My head was pounding and everything ached. I wanted to crawl away from there, I wanted to cover myself and think that I still had some humanity inside of me, that I was not just a toy.

"You know that I hate seeing you like this pet…but you have to understand whom you belong to." I closed my eyes hearing Ivan walk around. "Tell me, what are you?"

"A pet." I whispered.

"Wrong!" he yelled grabbing a fistful of my hair and pressing my head to the floor. I grinded my teeth battling every instinct that told me to fight back, that told me that I could defeat him and run away…but then I would put everyone in danger and I couldn't live with that. "You are a whore! You are nothing!" I bit my lip so hard that my eyes watered letting him see me, letting him think that I was afraid of him.

Lies, I could not fear what I hated the most.

I heard a light thud by the door. I pictured Magnus´ head against the wood, his body shagging like he was tired of this, tired of all my bullshit. I couldn't blame him if he was.

"When I first saw you I thought that you were just another dorky and adorable guy, but then I got to know you and I knew that there was something off about you…the way your eyes got dark and shadowed when a specific topic came to life. When I told you about my mother you didn't even look at me. The first time we were together you acted as if you were nervous but…" I shook my head wanting to tell him that yes, I had been nervous and terrified because it had been the first time that it had really mattered, that was one of the seldom times that I had been truthful. "You knew exactly what to do to me…like you were trained to please." I took a breath feeling like he had slapped me, he was right. "Now that I think about it…there were signs, but I could never…think…of you being…of you…" I walked until my back hit the wall and slide through it until I was sitting with my arms around my legs. "Please tell me that I´m wrong; please tell me that it wasn't all a lie."

Magnus PoV

Silence.

For once, no words were needed to confirm me what I had already known but refused to acknowledge for a long time.

Not only my husband had left me for a another, he had also kept a whole other life from me, a whole different side of him that showed me…I didn't even know what I had to see once I realized that Alec was..

That he was…

"Fuck." I couldn't even think it. I couldn't even relate that word with my husband, with that nervous and awkward guy that I had fallen in love with. It hurt too much.

How well did I really know him?

All the hints were there, but just after seeing that fucking word all over him had triggered something in my brain. In one second I had seen everything with different eyes, not only out time together then, but our time together a couple of days ago…he had been too different to think that it had been a show. Even seeing him now, his eyes showed an older person, his posture showed someone different.

I had no idea if this person was still my Alec.

"What is that?" I yelled seeing that word all over his back, he simply shrugged.

"How should I know?" He sighed before standing up and turning to look at me. "You can leave now."

"So you can stay here and smoke until you die? No thanks." Ne narrowed his eyes at me.

"How do you know I´ve been smoking?"

"Because I know you, when we started dating you smoked a lot, and I told you that I hated the smell that thing left in you so you promised me that you would stop…of course I knew that you had your smoke every now and then, I could smell it on you. This room reeks of cigar so yeah; I know that once you feel bad about something you go back to it." I looked at his expression, there was so much going on behind his eyes that I couldn't name every emotion that I found inside his blue eyes. "So, where do you want to go? There´s an art expo in central park, do you want to go?" He grimaced passing his hand through his hair before walking around the room trying to find a shirt…just then I noticed how much of a mess the room was, that was odd but I didn't want to think much of it. Just when I thought that he would kick me out I heard a chirping sound coming from the night table, a text. When had he even gotten a new phone? He walked to take it not even letting me see the kind of phone it was, he read through the text prior closing his eyes and exhaling, like a weight had finally lifted from him.

"Fine…" he sighed opening his eyes and looking at me. "Only because I need to get out of this fucking place."

A long noise took me out of my memories. I frowned walking to the window and seeing a couple of police cars at the door. Just as I was about to go and see what was going on, Alec darted from the door and out of his room.

"Alec?" I yelled going after him.

We were walking through the park and I couldn't help a small smile to appear on my lips. He was looking at the art like a starved man, like his eyes couldn't get enough of them and his hands itched for touching the sculptures and making one of his own. He looked so much like the man I had married that had to restrain myself from hugging him and kissing him like I had wanted to ever since I found him on a hospital bed.

"Alec! Is that you?" We both turned to see the owner of that voice; it was none other than Simon Lewis, Alec´s old roommate from college.

"Hey Simon, nice seeing you again." He spoke with a small smile before letting the guy man-hug him. I felt his words as a slap in the face, if he knew who Simon was, what else did he remember?

I followed Alec until we were at the bottom of the stairs seeing Isabelle speaking to a suited guy and a cop at the entrance door.

"Can I help you?" She asked putting her hands on her waist not letting them through the door. She didn't particularly trust the police, once and orphan child, always an orphan child.

I frowned looking at Alec, he was pale and his breath choked. His hands moved up until they covered his face while he took a shaky breath before he turned to look at me. I felt my gut twist when I saw his eyes: they were clear, old and all too knowing of what was going on. He opened his mouth a couple of times seemingly unable of finding words just before I found my lips taken by his in a desperate kiss.

"Nice? It´s great!" Someone called for him on the back. "Damn I got to go, nice seeing you! We should catch up soon!"

"Yeah, so you can ogle my sister a little longer?" Simon turned red before giving him another smile and sprinting away. Alec took a deep breath before looking at me.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" I blinked dumbly.

"Yes…I remember."

His lips were demanding, his hands gripped me strongly. Like they never wanted to let go, like he couldn't get enough of me. I was confused and scared, last time he had kissed me like this, he had gone off for a year to God knows where. He had left me, abandoned me and here was I, taking his kiss just as eagerly. I was pathetic and sick to give into him so easily, but I couldn't find it in me to stop.

"I´m sorry" he whispered against my lips, letting his wet cheek rest against mine. "Get the divorce papers; forget about me…that´s what´s best for you."

I took a step backwards…what was going on in here? He let out a long sigh while he pushed his hands deep into his back hoodie, looking smaller than he had ever looked.

"I know why I left, I know where I was and…whom I was with." His eyes looked away from me, but I could see them enough to notice the very real regret installed in them. "I cheated on you even before I went away…even when we first started dating I was also seeing someone else." I felt my heart sink, he was telling the truth. He fucking was speaking the truth and I had no idea what to do or how to act. I took a shaky breath shaking my head, like that would help me get a better hold of things. "That tattoo you saw? I really don't know where I got it from…I was too stoned at the moment to even know that someone was marking me."

Marking him? Why would anyone mark him as whore? It made no sence.

Then, I remembered the news…a blue eyed prostitute. No, that couldn't be.

"Take me to the mansion, please." He asked me in a small voice. "I-I could… I could tell you more, please." I nodded even if I felt my body like it worked in autopilot. We walked to the car only stopping when he beat me to the driver´s seat.

"Can I drive?" I gave him the keys feeling like it was the best option, my mind was too tangled up to even think of driving safely.

He took the front seat and looked around the car with the same expression he had wore that last night, like he wanted to remember everything that had going on, like it could be the last time he sat behind the wheel.

"Good afternoon Miss…"

"Miss Lightwood, owner of the house, now, how can I help you officer?" I heard Isabelle ask and I felt Alec´s hold on me tighten before he let go of me taking a step towards the entrance door.

"Oh, Miss Lightwood, is there a chance we could talk to your brother Alexander Lightwood".

"Why would you…?"

"There!" Yelled one of the officers spotting me and Alec, right before they forced their way through the door and walked to Alec, he simply stood there while the officers grasped his arms twisting them to his back. "Alexander Lightwood, you are under arrest on the crime of murder against Ivan Romanoff, you have the right to remain silent…" the rest of the words were lost for me once my eyes found the ones of my husband.

They were resigned, like he had been expecting this.